ICU BLOG

COACHING SERVICES

I See You Growing Life Coaching provides coaching services to all women who are interested in improving their lives. The design of the program is to assist women in six ways (30-minute consultations, welcome gifts, coaching sessions, resources, snapshots, and check-ins). Because I See You Growing Life Coaching is designed with every woman in mind, the coaching services are based on her individual needs. Each area of the coaching services will be explained below.

THE ICU EXPERIENCE

30- Minute Consultation

This is the rapport building experience. During this time, the coach and the coaching client will determine if I See You Growing Life Coaching is the route to take for her coaching journey. The initial assessment assists the life coach in understanding more about the potential client. Explanations about the expectations of the coaching services will be shared. Once there has been a mutual agreement to continue with coaching services, coaching sessions can begin.

Coaching Sessions

The duration of the coaching sessions are 45-60 minutes. The format of the coaching session is the discovery phase, TCE-the coaching experience, Re-Soar-Sis- shared resources, TGS-the gaining statement. Each area of the coaching sessions will be explained below.

The Discovery Phase

During The Discovery Phase, the client is welcomed to I See You Growing Life Coaching. A Welcome Gift is offered and delivered. The client brings her topic or issue to the table. Every other moment of the coaching session is developed from here.

The Coaching Experience-TCE

TCE, is part of the coaching session where development of the goal-oriented process continues. It is nurtured by different coaching models that will assist the client’s needs.

Shared Resources-Re-Soar-Sis

Re-Soar-Sis is part of the coaching session where resources are shared with the coaching client. The purpose of the resources is to give the coaching client options of how to better approach goal-oriented tasks.

The Gaining Statement-TGS

TGS is part of the coaching session that allows feedback. This is the time where the life coach and the coaching client assess their time spent together. This is a crucial part of the coaching session because it allows the life coach to learn if the expected outcome of the coaching session was achieved.

The Coaching Snapshot

The Snapshot highlights the coaching session. It is shared with the coaching client at least 24 hours after the coaching session; and no more than 48 hours.

Check-Ins

Check-ins are initiated by the life coach to gain updates about the client’s coaching journey. The coaching clients are encouraged to initiate check-ins as well. Check-ins are provided in weekly and/or monthly increments by the life coach. Check-ins are determined by the need of the coaching client and align with the selected ICU Package.

Thank You for Your Business!!

WHERE THERE’S A WILL; THERE’S A WAY

When I was younger, I used to hear my grandmother say the above phrase all the time. I didn’t fully understand what she meant then; but because she always spoke it when there was a problem or challenging situation present, I thought it meant finding solutions when there appeared to be none. It was a beneficial statement to make because later I realized that this was a statement of hope.

Hope by definition is a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. In other words, it is a belief that a certain thing that has not happen will happen. It can also be concluded that is impossible to say that hope was there if there is no plan to ensure that a certain thing will happen. There are other attributes of hope to consider such as determination, persistence, tenacity, self-control, willpower and waypower.

Where there’s a will… Will in this context is the faculty by which a person decides on and initiates action. It can also be defined as showing control. Willpower -which is an attribute of hope- is the energy that we use or actions that we take in order to motivate us to do something or not to do something. A great example of showing willpower is to resist eating sweets when you are doing a 28-day cleanse or to study because you want to pass a test.

Willpower can also be seen as an inner strength or inner motivation that we all have inside of us. It is definitely connected to self-control, paying attention to the things that are working and those that are not, and making things happen. As we look at our willpower, we have to pull from both our current and past experiences (i.e. successes and failures) in life (i.e distractions). Understanding our willpower helps us to understand where we stand in setting resolutions and completing them, understand our thoughts about setting certain goals, and understand what motivates us to follow through on set goals or what demotivates us.

“You do because you believe; you believe because you do.”

….There’s a Way: Way is a method, style, or manner of doing something. It is a course of action. Waypower-which is another attribute of hope-is the divergent thinking process that we use to determine different ways to get things done. A good example of waypower is partnering with a friend during the 28-day cleanse or scheduling time to study.

Waypower thinking requires examining and planning. You are thinking of all of the possibilities to get to your destination. You are using cognitive abilities such as imagining and envisioning the outcomes to assist you in coming up with ideas . As we look at our waypower, we have to believe that there is more than one way to solve a problem. Addressing the barriers in life ( i.e. distractions) that always present themselves when we are setting goals is essential to creating waypower thinking. The waypower type of thinking is the type of initiation that keeps us moving towards our goal no matter how challenging it may seem. Another great example of waypower is from the children’s book, “The Little Engine that Could”. We all remember how the little engine struggled to climb up the big mountain. There had to be somewhere in the mind of the engine (that this story personifies) that she thought she couldn’t but apparently, she saw there was a way. So she did. As we continue to think of waypower, “I think I can” sums it all up when we are really trying to pursue a goal.

Willpower + Waypower=Hope. But, what if willpower is limited or not there? We must think of this as we would a mathematical equation. If willpower is limited or not there, this leaves us approaching hope with only waypower. Because we can not have hope without willpower, we end up pursuing the dreams and goals that others want for us and not that we want for ourselves. What to do? One thing to do is to focus on how to surround yourself with people that encourage and support you. Another to thing to do is to change your mindset from a fixed mindset to one that encourages growth. This includes replacing negative and irrational thinking with more optimism. Seek professional counseling. Seek a life coach. Find your supports.

But, what if waypower is limited or not there? Again, let’s think about this mathematically. If waypower is limited or not there, this leaves us approaching hope with only willpower. Because we can not have hope without waypower, we end up pursuing our dreams and goals while becoming slaves to other people knowledge and ideas. We become dependent on what others can do for us; and we are in jeopardy of loosing our autonomy. We forget that we have the power to help ourselves. We lose our voice and simply become disempowered. What to do? Connect with people to help you think strategically about the ways to overcome obstacles and achieve your goals. These people are unique because they are not there to think for you but to challenge and to empower you to think for yourself.

Hope is a powerful tool. It should be used for our survival, our aspirations, and our future; from generation to generation. It is never false or abusive. It is part of goal-directed thinking that people down through the years had to rely on. The idea of willpower and waypower were adopted from the Hope Scale (Snyder et al.). If you are interested in understanding more about your willpower; your waypower; or how your hope is measured, please take the time to complete the Hope Scale that is seen below. Once you have completed this scale to learn what you believe about your inner motivation (willpower) and your problem-solving (waypower) strategies, the next step is to determine how you will approach goal planning and completion.

HOPE SCALE

https://www.fetzer.com
Hope Scale Survey Sample

Since the Hope Scale is a goal-directed instrument-if used-it plays a part in raising self awareness for the person who is completing it and in assisting the life coach in being a better support person to every client, The data shown in chart above reflect the responses of a group of women that completed the Hope Scale. The age groups of these women vary. They range from mid 20s to mid 50s. The responses were collected in the form of a survey so that true expressions could be made. There are no individual scores in this data. The individual scores are represented by averages only.

Willpower is measured by items 2, 9, 10. 12. The chart shows the score for item 2 group score to be 45 and the average score to be 6.45; for item 9 the group score is 44 and average score is 6.29; for item 10 the group score is 45 and the average score is 6.43; for item 12 the group score is 43 and the average score is 6.14. Although there are distractions, we see that the willpower of the group and average scores outweigh those of the distractions.

Waypower is measured by items 1,4,6, 8. The chart shows the score for item 1 group score to be 40 and the average score is 5.71; item 4 to be 51 and the average score is 7.29; item 6 to be 45 and the average score is 6.43; and item 8 to be 43 and the average score is 6.14. Although there are distractions, we see that the waypower of the group and their averages outweigh those of the distractions

The hope score of the group is taken by adding the scores of willpower and waypower together. The score comes close to 51. Based on the scoring rubric, this group of women have greater possibilities for hope. However, there is always room for improvement. This is where individual goals are examined and each person has an opportunity to initiate their movements according to when and where they want to be in life. For all participants of this study who wants to look at your measurement of hope another time to gain perspective, I encourage you to redo the hope scale measurement, compare it to your current realities and where you want to be, and seek I See You Growing Life Coaching Services as an avenue and support to get goals accomplished.

Your idea come to life when your mind tell it to do so.

References:

Hope Score Results, https://www.hopescore.com

Self Report Measures, https://www.fetzer.com

Adult Hope Scale, https://www.kristenmallot.com

Google English dictionary provided by Oxford Lanaguages, https://www.languages.oup.com

BRIDGING THE GAP

What are your gaps…the differences between your current situation and the things that you want to achieve? How would you classify your gaps- skill oriented (communication, ability), personal (relationship issues, conflict resolution), or professional?  Are you dealing with external gaps that serve as barriers to achieving your goals (gender equality, equal pay for equal work)? What are they?

I think that it is important for us as women to be aware of our current realities and to learn the benefits of such awareness. Knowing our current realities can be seen as a resourceful tool that aids our forward movement. A good way to show how our current realities can be seen as a resource that aids  forward movement is to provide an explanation of building resilience when addressing life’s barriers and stressors that erode possibilities and strengths. Resilience is a tool that aids us in bouncing back from challenging, unexpected circumstances. Although life can bring challenges that can cause gaps in our personal development and self improvement,  resilience can be seen as a form of protection that prevents deterrence and stagnation.

Not knowing our current realities can be seen as a weapon that deters forward movement and enables stagnation. Wondering how to become unstuck or to become less stagnant in life is a type of reflection that we must all pursue. Sometimes in our pursuit, we learn that our realities can cause stress, not just the normal stress that can be resolved quickly; but the type of stress that can cloud our judgments. It is at that moment when thoughts of being resilient or feeling strong begin to become cluttered. The thoughts and feelings that movement should happen are there but the plan to execute this action is unclear so movement becomes delayed. From here, the downward spiral begins. Unaware of the strength that is within, the inability to feel tough enough to bounce back. being consumed with the idea of paying attention to weaknesses that always represent themselves, setting goals that often fail, and being forced to think there are no solutions is what we often face. Is that it? No. There are solutions.  Even the impractical ones can ignite our brain cells to discover ideas for change and provide hope and produce enough energy to get us moving in a positive direction.

How  to get there- to that positive direction? What type of support is needed to assist and guide you in focusing on your strengths instead of always focusing on your weaknesses? What do you need to assist you in closing these gaps in your life that your current realities have presented before you to make it seem like even the most simplest goal is unattainable?  And, what do you need to promote a level of encouragement in understanding what is achievable?

A life coach can get you moving in a positive direction. I See You Growing Life Coaching can serve as a powerful tool to help bridge the gaps. We can guide you to insightful change and achievable outcomes. The days where achieving the simplest goal have to no longer represent a dream that is deferred. Every coaching session is individualized with you in mind. You become aware of your abilities, your perceptions, your complex thinking and use them as strategies. When this happens, the way you plan your next step changes. You can now see the path to get there  because your plans are S.M.A.R.T., intentional; and you are ready.

Thank you for allowing I See You Growing Life Coaching to assist you in the bridging the gaps.

THE MIDLIFE WOMAN

I am a midlife woman. I am okay with this identity because I embrace all changes in my life. A midlife woman is a woman who is too old to be young and too young to be old. Our ages range from 40-64 years old; and we are GenXers.

The phrase “midlife woman” makes us think about women who may be experiencing midlife crises. If you type the phrase, ” the issues that women over 40 face” into a search engine, the first topic that comes up is “health”. Health is a vital part of living because we all should aim to live to be the healthier versions of ourselves. But, there are more topics and challenges that we must address as we make the pursuit to continue to live optimal lifestyles. In a recent health study about the midlife woman, it was noted that the awareness about the importance of issues from the many roles that women have only focuses on that of younger, reproductive age women that have younger children. Having flexible options for relationships and more prospects for career advancement are other important issues that our society ignore about the midlife woman. All of these issues and other areas of growth in life are not just for some women, but for all women. It is important for us as a society to see that the things that are important to midlife women are valid, vital; and they serve a greater purpose. They are not obsolete or just crises.

I dare not say midlife crisis or crisis of the midlife woman because it depletes the empowerment of women 40 and older. You know empowerment-encouraging and inspiring her to be independent and to continue to take charge of her life. A growth mindset does not stop just because a woman is starting to age. However, it is understood that there are changes that the midlife woman has to embrace in life (i.e. changing routines and habits). Her response to those changes will be tailored to fit her where she is in life (current life) or where she is trying to go in life (old life, new life). If you want to describe yourself as a midlife woman or not, the choice is yours. But, I stand in solidarity with you as I say, we are unstoppable. Don’t just take my word for it, please read the descriptions that other women in our age group have shared.

Informal interviews were conducted among family, friends, and colleagues who can be identified as midlife women. They were asked to respond to one simple request…”Describe yourself as a midlife woman.” Of course the responses were just as unique as the individuals who were questioned. I heard the woes, the hopes, the determinations, the health issues, the crises, and the wins. No matter where each response fell on the spectrum, it was liberating to hear the midlife woman use her voice to tell how she saw her life going from her own perspective. Fascinating!

The Hopes, Determinations, and the Wins (HDWs)

  • Energetic
  • Beautiful
  • Determined to get stuff done
  • Living life and loving to live life
  • Spunk
  • Seasoned but young at heart
  • I have some more use in me
  • Rediscovering myself
  • Reinventing myself
  • Daring
  • Healthy
  • No Worries
  • No Stress
  • Sassy but laid back

The Woes, Health Issues, and Crises (WHICs)

  • Where do I fit in?
  • Too young to be old but my body is too old for me to be young
  • Starting new relationships
  • Being settled
  • Separation and divorce
  • Starting over
  • Concerns about ageism

Ageism may be a legitimate concern for the midlife woman. She is still discovering her new, different, or foreign self through her thoughts, emotions, and actions. She is making the decision to reinvent herself and to think of ways to use her gifts and talents as the world changes, the expectations of relationships change, and there are paradigm shifts in various settings. Google defines ageism as prejudice or discrimination on the grounds of a person’s age. As we continue to create communities that usher the growth of all women, that can utilize the knowledge of all women, and that will encourage the ignition of the brain cells in all women, discrimination and prejudice will be challenged. The information from the interviews show that we as a part of this culture and population are “empowerment ready”. It all starts with our voices. The HDWs outweigh the WHICs. This means that the midlife woman,-although she faces challenges that require her to make hard choices- is still optimistic about where her life is going even as she looks back to reflect on where her life has been.

Please take a moment to read, “The challenges of midlife women…..Seattle midlife Women’s health study”. After reading this article as a life coach, I was able to gain awareness of how to continue to approach and empower women who come to –I See You Growing Life Coaching-for coaching services. It was empowering to me as a midlife woman to know that someone is watching how I live as I begin to age; and that I can raise my voice to express my needs. It has also enabled me to find a sense of relief to know that there are other women who want the world to hear their voices about the things that are important to them. It was invigorating to hear the HDWs of the women that I interviewed. I also understand the challenges that the WHICs bring; and as a life coach, I accept the challenge of guiding you to insightful change and achievable outcomes.

So I encourage all midlife women to bring your topics and issues to I See You Growing Life Coaching. Your journey starts with you in mind (addressing somatic changes and striving for better physical outcomes; outlining relationship changes and creating positive outcomes for belonging, etc). It all starts with you.

References:

Thomas, A.J., Mitchell, E.S. & Woods, N.F. The challenges of midlife women: themes from the Seattle midlife Women’s health study. womens midlife health 4, 8 (2018) https://doi.org/10.1186/s40695-018-0039-9

YOU NEED A WIN

Do you need a win?

At some points in our lives we all do. I think winning is an idea that is connected to our mindset; and from our mindset, our growth. I guess in order to determine if you need a win, you must first determine what it means to you to win?

What does it mean to you to win? Is winning centered around tangible things such as obtaining jobs,cars, houses etc.?  What about intangible things such as a feeling of accomplishment? What does it look like? The reality is that a win can depict any of these examples.

A woman in college might identify her win as graduating with honors after repeating a failed course several times. Another woman might identify her win as becoming the first female president of an organization. A third woman might identify her win as simply getting out of the bed and addressing her self care needs. The idea of what describes a win is just as unique as we are as individuals. One can only imagine how many wins we experience in life. This can be said for each woman individually and women as a whole. But what motivates us?

To some of us, it is rewarding to pursue our wins by getting a tangible benefit. We move forward to prevent  the negative consequence from ever happeninng or from happening again. For others, we pursue our wins to get a return on our investments. We have a belief that our performance will improve our growth (i.e. study hard to graduate or perform assigned duties to get promoted). These examples are called extrinsic motivation.

Another way to look at why we pursue our wins is intrinsic motivation. To some of us, it is rewarding to pursue our wins for the way it makes us feel. A good example is to pursue a profession not because it pays a lot of money; but because it aligns with our passions. Another example of intrinsic motivation is solving problems on a math app even though you not are taking math courses, a math professor, helping with homework, or do not have a math profession. You do it because you love numbers or you love problem solving. And each time you answer questions correctly, you feel rewarded. You feel as if you’ve won.

As the thought of extrinsic and intrinsic motivation is explored, there is a question to answer about the situations in life that make people feel as though they can not win. These situations show up to challenge women’s drive as they pursue goals in life. They serve as mind blockers and growth deterrents. What are they?

They derive from several locations. Here are a few.

  1. Development. Erik Erikson’s theory indicates five stages of development that we all go through in life. Sometimes we go through life with unmet needs. If our needs are not met, then we have the tendency to get stuck  in one stage of development as we try to stumble through others. For instance, Erikson’s second stage of development that occurs by age three addresses the basic virtue will. How many of us still feel as if we are fighting for our will and  doing things for ourselves? Who are we relying on to help us? And, if we are relying on others to help us, how much of their help is blocking our will and our win? This example is meant to open our  eyes and not to belittle. This example is a request for us as women to take back our autonomy or our will that lay dormant inside of us. This example is a request for us as women to take back our lives by understanding which needs have gone unmet.
  2. Unrealistic expectations. Pursuing the American dream is something that we directly or indirectly entertain. We have been taught by parents, educators, politicians, and the world to be competitive and to aim for the stars. Because we live in such a competitive world, we often take flight without the right gear. We can feel and taste it-the American dream; unfortunately we do not always get there. Why? Sometimes we begin to pursue it from the wrong angle. Sometimes there are societal challenges such as prejudice (i.e. unequal pay issues) and racism that makes us feel like failures instead of winners.  These unrealistic expectations of how to pursue our wins can be challenged by understanding that unique thing about ourselves that we can do whether we got paid for it our not (our passions). There are multiple intelligence theorists who postulate that not only do we have intelligence in our aptitude abilities but it can also be found in other forms of behavior (i.e. our talk, walk, creativity, song, artwork). How does knowing these things challenge unrealistic expectations for you? Does it enable you to pursue your win differently?
  3. Rejection. Who wants to be rejected when people such as Abraham Maslow stated that a sense of belonging is a need that we all have? Because we as a societal whole are not sensitive to cultural differences, we often have the tendency to reject the unfamiliar. Our urgency to practice rejection and to ignore acceptance often keep us in a dull mindset. A young woman who is embarking on her new life’s journey will undoubtedly seek or pursue acceptance in her own way. Because we are ill-educated on how we belong, how we learn, and how we grow, referring to old habits become our. go to behavior even if we are in different settings. This young woman often adopts a cynic’s attitude because she finds it harder and harder to reach her win in relationships, love, and acceptance. How does she get past this attitude and not become despondent about her winning pursuit? She has to take charge of her outlook on life. She will do this by understanding how she bounced back from rejection instead of dwelling on it. She will take back her life by affirming herself. She will believe in her innate abilities and the skills that she has obtained along the way. She will become more intentional about her pursuit, take the initiative for her change, start what she finishes, and remember what drives her extrinsically as well as intrinsically.

References:

Extrinsic vs. Intrinsic Motivation: What’s the Difference? https://www.verywellmind.com/differences between-extrinsic-and-intrinsic motivation-2795384